Helen was the daughter of the King Tyndareus of
Sparta. She was the prettiest girl in town and every prince wanted to marry
her. The King told all of the princes that they couldn’t marry her, for she
wanted to marry someone from a foreign land.
Helen finally met someone that she wanted to marry, but he was from a
forbidden land, the land of Troy. No Spartan woman had ever in the history
married a man from Troy. If she were to do this, it might cause a catastrophic
war. Just the thought of her marrying someone from Troy upset her father.
The father warned her that she should never marry this man, but he also said he wanted her to be happy.
She decided to run off and think about
what she was doing before she made her final decision. She went into the woods,
far away from everyone so she could be alone. In this forest, though, she was
far from alone. There were numerous creatures in the forest that she had only dreamt of. There were giant spiders, miniature
horses, and even unicorns. One of the unicorns approached her and it
said to her, “Helen, why have you ventured into this scary forest?” Helen was
still awestruck at all of the creatures she had seen. She hesitated before
answering, “I’m confused. I don’t know if I should marry the man I love
because it will cause my home town to go to war.” The unicorn smirked then
replied, “Follow your heart, young one. Your town will not perish over your
decision.” Helen thought it very
odd to be getting advice from a unicorn, but she decided to take the advice
anyways. She figured that maybe it was a sign sent from above. The unicorn then
vanished back into the depths of the dark forest and was never to be seen
again.
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| This is an image of a unicorn. Artist is unknown. Web Source: Wikipedia |
Helen left the forest and ran as fast
as possible to find her man from Troy.
She told him that she didn’t care what others thought and that she knew
that getting married to him wouldn’t have caused her town to be burned to the ground. They
soon made the announcement that they would marry. This came as a surprise to
the King of Sparta and he did not approve of her decision. Because of this
decision that was made, the Spartans and the people of Troy began a war. Both
sides were upset with the decision that was made and the marriage that took
place. Helen and her husband ran off to a far away land while the battles
continued. They both hoped to one day return to their homelands and
be together with approval of their friends and family. Until the time, the
battle would rage on for years and years. A time of peace wasn’t anywhere in
the near future. Helen wondered if the unicorn had tricked her, or if the war would be short lived. She was happy for now, and to
her that was all that mattered.
Author's Note
I based my story off of the original story called How the War with Troy Began . I took many of the same characters, but simply thought up a different reason why the war began. I really didn’t keep any of the original details from the story, so this is basically a completely original story.
Here is a brief summary of the original story:
The king had a daughter. There was not a prince in Greece but wished to marry her. The King made all the princes promise that they would befriend any man that married her so that if she is ever taken away, they will help get her back. She ended up marrying Menelaüs who reigned in Mycenae. Her father died and he soon took the throne. Then a young prince came to town from Troy and carried Helen away. The princes that had promised to go get Helen if she were to ever be carried away did just that. That is what began the war between Sparta and Troy.
I thought it would also be pretty cool to add other creatures of myth to the story, such as the unicorn. Unicorns have long been in mythology and folklore and I thought it would be the perfect fit for my story. In this story the unicorn is an animal of deception. He deceives Helen into believing that marrying the man of her dreams would not begin a war, but it most certainly did. The unicorn is basically the reason that the war began in my rendition of the story. Although this is a very unlikely reason for war, I thought it was kind of funny and more interesting than the reason in the original story. There could be another installment of this story as well that could tell what occurred with the war and what ever happened with Helen and her new husband. You will just have to stay tuned to see if that ever happens!
The original story came from the book The Iliad, retold by Alfred J. Church (1907).
I based my story off of the original story called How the War with Troy Began . I took many of the same characters, but simply thought up a different reason why the war began. I really didn’t keep any of the original details from the story, so this is basically a completely original story.
Here is a brief summary of the original story:
The king had a daughter. There was not a prince in Greece but wished to marry her. The King made all the princes promise that they would befriend any man that married her so that if she is ever taken away, they will help get her back. She ended up marrying Menelaüs who reigned in Mycenae. Her father died and he soon took the throne. Then a young prince came to town from Troy and carried Helen away. The princes that had promised to go get Helen if she were to ever be carried away did just that. That is what began the war between Sparta and Troy.
I thought it would also be pretty cool to add other creatures of myth to the story, such as the unicorn. Unicorns have long been in mythology and folklore and I thought it would be the perfect fit for my story. In this story the unicorn is an animal of deception. He deceives Helen into believing that marrying the man of her dreams would not begin a war, but it most certainly did. The unicorn is basically the reason that the war began in my rendition of the story. Although this is a very unlikely reason for war, I thought it was kind of funny and more interesting than the reason in the original story. There could be another installment of this story as well that could tell what occurred with the war and what ever happened with Helen and her new husband. You will just have to stay tuned to see if that ever happens!
The original story came from the book The Iliad, retold by Alfred J. Church (1907).
I liked the way you told the story by not giving too much detail among the characters and have the reader invasion the scenes themselves. It was a bit sad when the unicorn pretty much lied to them or didn't know what it was talking about since the war happened causing the couple to flee to a new land. One comment I would point out is the second paragraph. The first two sentences, it seems as though you repeat yourself. You could say, "She knew she had to really think of marring this man before going through with it so she ran into the woods to think." At the beginning of the story, you should add a few sentences about the rivalry between Troy and Sparta to get the reader interested and understanding of why one marriage could cause such a huge war. You could even include some hesitation from Helen since Troy was a very forbidden land for her.
ReplyDeleteOverall, I liked your version of the story. The deceptive unicorn was definitely not something I expected, as unicorns aren’t usually given that kind of personality. I thought it was really unique! I will say that sometimes your sentences are a little bit wordy. I think with some careful editing, you could say what you wanted to in fewer words to convey the same thing, like Renae mentioned above.
ReplyDeleteHey man, I really liked this different take on a story that spawned so much more conflict and excitement. One thing I commented on another person's blog that I'll repeat here (or it may have even been yours, I can't remember) was varying the length of paragraphs. In the second paragraph, you have different characters exchanging dialogue, but it is all kind of just jumbled together. Simply creating a new paragraph would really emphasize that dialogue and make it pop in the reader's mind! It keeps the reader's eyes continually moving forward, even if they don't realize they're doing it! I liked your creativity in Helen's decision process though, it was simple, not too over-the-top, and got the message of, "Hey, I really don't know what to do right now" across well. The ending really prepares the reader for the next part of the story as well, as a future without peace usually yields some interesting battles/fights! Good job overall, man.
ReplyDeleteHey, Steven! I really enjoyed this story. I thought it was interesting to read – I’m a sucker for love stories so I was automatically interested – easy to read, and you included plenty of fun details with the unicorn and such. You also did a good job of including dialogue in the story. If I had any suggestions, it would be to add more dialogue in the beginning and end rather than just toward the middle, but the story was easily understood without it so it’s not a huge deal. The picture was a nice touch and I enjoyed the details of the woods with all the creatures. Your author’s note was also informative which was great. I especially appreciated how you explained what the original story was so it could easily be compared and contrasted with the new story. I also really liked how you tied in the idea at the end that perhaps the unicorn was tricking Helen into the war. The unicorn sort of confused me with the whole context of the time period and this intense war-type land that I imagined, but it definitely was interesting.
ReplyDeleteSteven, I was really impressed with your story. The paragraphs were spilt up and spaced perfectly to help the flow of the story. The picture was also in the perfect place; right after the unicorn was mentioned. The picture did a good job of representing the story and making it easier to picture what was going on. The font and font color were easy to read.
ReplyDeleteI am glad that you kept the original title for your story. It is a great title that makes you want to know how the war really began. I like how you changed the story to be your own, and with adding creatures to the story it really progressed the story to make it more dynamic. Also, I am sure that a daughter has married a man that started a war between two families. Therefore, your story was practical but at the same time I can tell how much you use your imagination. The author’s note was also very helpful. Good job!
Hey Steven! Awesome story, by the way! I liked that you took the characters from the story, but created a completely different plot; excellent idea! I think you did a great job of explaining each of the characters in the beginning, and you set up the situation with her marriage quite nicely. The only suggestions I could make would be to break up the dialogue a bit by creating new paragraphs each time a new person speaks. Another thing I could maybe suggest would be to try not to use the same words (or maybe the same phrase) in consecutive sentences. It adds a bit of variety when you change it up a bit! Other than that, I think did a great job! I liked that you included a brief synopsis of the original story in the author's note. That really gave the readers an opportunity to see how much of the story you were able to make your own. Keep on keepin' on!
ReplyDeleteSteven,
ReplyDeleteYour portfolio is coming along very nicely! I like the way you completely changed the story up! Plus, everyone loves a good unicorn. This is a really small thing that may seem so trivial, but I like that you placed the picture in the middle of the story. When you described the unicorn in the text, there was a picture right there to supplement the imagery! I also thought it was great how you put in your author's note that you found it funny to have a unicorn in the story and have it deceive Helen!
Your story also makes me wonder if it is worth it to "listen to your heart" if the consequences are going to be so large! Who knows, love may be worth it, right? Such a high consequence... I like that in your author's note it also explains why the war started more. It tells about how the suitors in the land promised to take revenge if Helen were ever to be stolen away. I thought that information was really helpful to complete your story!
Great job, Steven!
Hello Steven, I think this is my first visit to your portfolio and I have to say so far from what I have read I think you are doing a good job. The colors you have chosen for you blog sight really work well so that it brings the main part of your portfolio, the story, to the forefront. The picture you have chosen for this story was amazing. It really worked well with the story, but also stood out on the page. The story of the war with troy was a good choice. I have read the original for other classes and one thing I have always disliked was the focus of the stories was on the men, and there seemed to be a ton of room in them to explore different avenues to tell this story. So that I found was the strength of your story and it was something that I felt brought an added dimension to the original.
ReplyDelete