Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Storytelling Week 5: The Ghost-Brahman



Once upon a time there was a Brahman. He had just married the love of his life. They had been dating each other for over five years and had finally decided to tie the knot. The Brahman had always supported his mother and now that he had married, there was an extra person to support. He told his mother and his new wife that he would have to travel to a far away place to earn some money for he did not have enough to continue the support. The Brahman told them that he would return in a couple of years whenever he had earned enough. Then he gave his mother all of the money he currently had and told her to take care of his wife. The next day he ventured off to a far away land in hopes that he would return full of wealth, but little did he know what was about to happen back at his home.

The next day a ghost came to his home. It was a ghost that looked exactly like the Brahman in every way.  His wife asked why he had returned from his journey so soon, and the ghost lied to her, saying that he decided it was more important to stay at home with family. The ghost had a hunch that no one knew that he was lying. This continued for many years and everyone believed that the ghost Brahman was in fact the real Brahman. His wife believed it, his mother believed it, and even the townspeople believed it.

A remake of the Ghostbusters' Logo. Found at: Deviant Art

After the real Brahman had earned enough money, he finally returned home. He was shocked when he got home and saw a ghost in his home in the place of him. The ghost told him to leave because no one would believe that he was the real Brahman. The Brahman knew exactly what to do though. He had been waiting for an opportunity to call some of his old friends. He picked up his phone and called the Ghostbusters. He had known them since he was but a young child. The Ghostbusters were a team of ghost chasers that knew how to capture ghosts forever. He gave them a call and they were there immediately with all of the necessary tools to hunt ghosts. They formulated a plan in order to capture the ghost of Brahman and then the time came to catch him. The Ghostbusters grabbed their vacuum cleaners and surrounded the ghost. These weren't any ordinary vacuums, but were specially modified in order to capture ghosts forever. The ghost had nowhere to go and was trapped. The Ghostbusters turned their vacuums to the maximum level and sucked the ghost into a safe storage container. The ghost of Brahman was no match for the Ghostbusters. Brahman happily paid the Ghostbusters and they were on their way. The real Brahman returned to his home and told his mother and wife exactly what had happened and that he really had been gone the last two years earning enough money to support them. They were shocked but happy to finally have the real Brahman back. While away, Brahman had earned quite a bit of money by buying and selling horses. He was one of the best used-horse salesmen in the world. He earned enough money for his mother and his wife to live very happily for the rest of their lives.

Author’s Note:

I wrote this story based upon The Ghost-Brahman. I kept the beginning of the story almost the exact same, but when the Brahman returned, the story took a turn. In the original story, Brahman went to the King and asked for help. Day after day the King told him to come back tomorrow. This is because the King was so baffled that even he did not know what to do. So eventually the King of the cowherds found a way to trick the ghost into showing that he was the real ghost. Instead of telling it that way, I decided to have him call the Ghostbusters. I thought this would add a little comedic effect to the story. In the original story, the King of the cowherds tricked the ghost into changing shapes to prove he was the real Brahman. Of course being able to change shapes proved that he was the ghost and when he changed shapes, the King captured him in a small container. The Ghostbusters instead used high-powered vacuums to capture the ghost. Ghostbusters has always been one of my favorite movies so I found a way to add it in to this story. I also added the part at the end where he made all of his money buying and selling horses. I thought this was a good way to add a little bit of detail to this story. I believe that detail is very important in stories, and a lot of mythology lacks detail. Overall this was a very odd story with the addition of the Ghostbusters, but odd stories are my specialty.

The original story can be found here: Folk-Tales of Bengal by the Rev. Lal Behari Day, with illustrations by Warwick Goble (1912).

13 comments:

  1. I really liked how you incorporated the Ghostbusters into this story! I thought it was really funny and clever, and something totally unexpected. I had a mental image of a pretty ancient city in my mind until the Ghostbusters rolled up, which definitely made me laugh. I would have liked a little bit more detail on how the King tricked the ghost in your author’s note, but overall it was really good!

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  2. I thought your idea to incorporate Ghostbusters was hilarious! Like Lillian, I too had the image of a more ancient type of city until I saw the Ghostbusters image, and then I immediately began picturing the movie. Anytime I hear anyone talk about ghosts, that movie is always the first thing I reference to! Great job overall!

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  3. Great job! I really enjoyed your version of the story. I definitely started to laugh when you brought in the Ghostbusters. Based on your Author's Note, I can say that your story was probably more entertaining. You did a good job of making your story concise and to the point. I also liked how you added how the Brahman earned his money at the end.

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  4. Hey Steven!

    First off, I really enjoyed that you used the Ghostbusters image. That is one of my favorite movies. I thought your story was clever and well-written. I thought it flowed well. I liked that you ended the story by showing that he helped support his wife and mother. My only suggestion would be to put some dialogue into the story to make it more personal. The story was very entertaining. Again, great job. I look forward to continuing to read your stories! Have you ever thought about becoming a writer? You are talented.

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  5. Hey Steven! This story is very interesting and different! I was definitely not expecting the Ghostbusters twist. It definitely added a little bit of comedic effect to the story. I also like that you added some detail into how the Brahman had spent the past two years... It was a great place to add some detail and elucidate the story a little more.

    I think using more descriptive and powerful verbs and adjectives could help to make this story even better. Using more powerful words really helps to make a story come alive so that someone can picture it like a movie in their head. I also was very caught off guard by the Ghostbusters scenario. I really liked that it was a cool and unusual plot twist in the story but I think it could have used a little more introduction so your readers aren't so distracted by the surprise of it they have a hard time focusing on the rest of your story!

    Great job though! Thanks for the fun an interesting read!

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  6. Who ya gunna call, Ghostbusters! I haven’t watched that movie in a while so seeing this as a portfolio story to read got me really excited. The story itself was great and super entertaining. In the first paragraph, there is a sentence where you are talking about the man traveling a far distance to support them by saying ‘continue the support’. Maybe you could change the wording around to make the sentence flow a little better. Also, when you start to talk about the Ghostbusters you could make a new paragraph because you are changing your text. When you introduce the Ghostbusters, maybe talk more about them. For example, you could add how the man knows the Ghostbusters, where did they grow up or explain when the team formed. I think adding a bit more description can help people stay interested in stories. But other than those small things, your overall story was an awesome read and can’t wait to read more stories you have in the future!

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  7. Hey, Steven! So how could I not read this story after flipping to your portfolio and seeing the huge Ghostbusters logo? Haha. Honestly, though, that is a great hook to gain readers right there. Plus the idea of a ghost impersonator is fascinating in and of itself—especially since such a ghost would have to have intimate knowledge of the one it was replacing as well as a solid form, both frightening thoughts.

    Never would I have guessed that someone would be able to smoothly incorporate the Ghostbusters into their tales, but you did it beautifully! Who else would you call to take care of a ghostly problem? Lol. The only thing I felt that was really missing from your story was some more detail about the reactions of the wife and mother to the realization that they had spent the past few years in the company of a ghost—that seems like something that would be extremely shocking and maybe even a little traumatic.

    In any case, you wrote a wonderful story with just enough random and miscellaneous elements to make it super-enjoyable and engaging. Great work!

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  9. It definitely added some comedic effect to include the Ghostbusters in the story! Haha I can't say I was quite prepared for that twist in the plotline, though I guess I should have seen it coming with the picture you decided to use. It thought you incorporated them well, but you might consider giving a little more backstory. It's definitely interesting and noteworthy that this brahman just happens to know the Ghostbusters, so giving some background on that might help the readers understand a little more how that coincidence came about. You could also make the battle with the ghost-brahman a little more dramatic with some more verbs/adjectives and action details. I don't think I saw any grammar issues though and I like the plot, so good job! I'll definitely be interested to see if you can find any other ways to work the Ghostbusters into your work - there doesn't seem to be any sort of shortage of stories about ghosts!

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  10. I was not expecting that twist at the end! I liked the story and agree that adding the Ghostbusters element gave the story a comedic tone. I think it is really cool that you were able to add inspiration from one of your favorite movies into a story that was written such a long time ago. It was really creative. You might consider breaking the last paragraph into a few smaller paragraphs to make it easier to read. Also, the black background with the white font looks really cool, but it starting giving me a little headache towards the end of reading and the blue font for the links is a little tricky to read. (I have horrible vision, though, so maybe none of that is a problem for anyone else!) Back to the story, I like how you added the part about him being the best “used-horse” salesman. It gave even more comic tone to the story by making it relatable to modern day car salesmen. Good job!

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  11. I absolutely love ghost stories, so I was immediately drawn to this portfolio story!
    Oh man, that's a terrifying thought. Having a ghost that looked exactly like the Brahman? No. Way. I think this could honestly make a really great story on it's own. I love the storyline.
    Bahaha, I love that you incorporated the Ghost Busters into the story! That makes my heart happy. "He gave them a call" Haha, I'm actually laughing out loud. Love this. I love how you stayed fairly true to the original story, and still made it your own with the Ghostbusters added.
    I think your image choice was pretty perfect, and I like where you put it mixed into the story itself. Also, I think the black background and white font was pretty perfect for this story as well. It made the words really stand out.
    It definitely was a strange story, but I love strange stories the best.

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  12. I usually enjoy ghost stories, and this one was no different. The theme of your blog here is a bit too contrasting for my eyes to read in the dark, but it certainly fit the theme of this story. Anyway, my first thought upon opening up your portfolio was that the ghost in the picture there almost looks like he's wearing a seatbelt. I know, that's not helpful criticism... Moving on, I really enjoyed how you incorporated Ghost Busters into your story here. As other commenters have undoubtedly already mentioned, I certainly was not expecting the twist at the end of the story. It wasn't unexpected in a bad way; I think it added another layer to the story. I also enjoyed how he was a used horse salesman! I really enjoyed this story. It was well-written and entertaining. Good job! I need nine more words, so here they are.

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  13. Steven,
    Great story man. I loved how you tied in the Ghostbusters to the story. When I was scrolling through your portfolio, I saw the Ghostbusters’ image and chose that hoping it would be about the Ghostbusters. I was glad to see that it involved them for a little bit! I liked the extra detail you added as well. The more detail I know about the story, the more I tend to enjoy the story. I most definitely appreciated the added information about how Braham came to find his wealth. Your author’s notes were the best part. The background you gave as to why and how you wrote this story was very interesting. I definitely enjoyed seeing how you got from point A to point B. Your format was really good! Having the black background and white font is perfect. The white font pops and makes it very easy to read your stories.

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